Today i choose to be strong and brave, i am going to share with you all what almost ruined me!
I have always looked forward to being a mom ever since i was younger, I never had any sibling so i was always happy to see and play with children.
Finally at 20-years-old, i got married to the love of my life and i fell pregnant almost immediately (same month we got married), I felt so lucky and excited on discovering i was going to be a mom soon. Unfortunately, that evil (miscarriage) showed up and the pregnancy didn’t make it pass the first-trimester. It hurt me so bad and i kept asking God why he would allow such happen to me.
2 months after, i took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was happy to be pregnant again but terrified of the same thing happening again, and indeed it did happen as we didn’t make it pass 6 weeks when i passed the sac on a Sunday morning. I was so angry and devastated but my husband still managed to get me go to church.
Fast forward to 6 months time, i became pregnant again and this time I was pregnant with twins (God), the joy of seeing two heartbeats on my sonographers screen was out of this world, even though my past experiences kept popping up in my mind; I began hoping until i fell into preterm labor at 28 weeks. Birthed a boy and a girl but sadly didn’t live pass few hours for some careless reasons by the NICU staffs.
I had so much help and support from my husband, friends and family’s but i felt so lonely and lost. In my head, i believed no one else could ever understand my feelings.
Fast forward to 8 months after the loss of my twins, i fell pregnant again and same thing happened (it ended first trimester), this time i tried not to get to attached to the news of me being pregnant so it doesn’t hurt much even if it happens otherwise, but i tell you it hurts like crazy.
And FINALLY, 7 months after i fell pregnant with my rainbow, my sunshine, my child of promise; I never had any reason to visit the hospital except for my antenatal and regular checkups. And at the end of nine months i birthday my favorite girl (it can only be God and i never take this privilege for granted)
I’m putting out this story here for every woman who is going through any kind of loss for some unknown reasons; do know that it’s a phase and it will surely pass, you are not alone, i have been there and i conquered and you will too by God’s grace.
This bible verses made me quit blaming God and i began to speak his promises into my life, i hope they bring you peace as they did for me:
Psalm 1, psalm 102:1-2, Isaiah 55:8-11, Matthew 11:28-29, psalm 56:3, psalm 121:1-2, psalm 126, psalm 127, psalm 128, Isaiah 49:13-26.
Orentenimi XOXO 😘